We recently traveled to Illinois for Jim’s Uncle Mike’s funeral.
It was a beautiful service—and one of those rare moments when family comes together across time and distance to remember someone they all loved.
We hugged relatives we hadn’t seen in years. We laughed at old stories, looked at photo boards filled with memories, and took a lot of deep breaths.
And as I stood there, I couldn’t help but think:
Why did it take a funeral for this to happen?
We Miss People While They’re Still Alive
Over the years, we’ve missed a lot of funerals.
Not because we didn’t care, but because we lived in Hawaii for nearly two decades—and when you’re an ocean away, it’s not always easy (or possible) to get back in time.
But this time, we made it.
And I’m so glad we did.
Because alongside the grief, there was something profoundly healing about just being together.
It made me think about all the people we quietly drift away from.
Not because of a blow-up or a betrayal.
But because life gets busy.
Because we get caught up in our own world.
Because maybe something happened that hurt, and we didn’t know how to bring it up.
And sometimes—let’s be honest—because of differences that feel too big to bridge.
When Beliefs Divide Us
It’s no secret that we’re living in divided times.
Politics, worldviews, values… the tension is real. And for many families, it’s caused real distance—sometimes even silence.
We stop calling.
We unfollow.
We avoid holiday gatherings.
Not out of hate, but out of exhaustion. Or frustration. Or fear of saying the wrong thing.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
When you’re standing in a room full of grieving family members, the things that divided you often fall away.
What remains is love.
And the quiet ache of time lost.
You Don’t Have to Agree to Reconnect
You can love someone and not share the same opinions.
You can disagree—and still make space for grace.
And no, I’m not saying every relationship should be forced back together.
But I am saying: if there’s someone you miss… someone you love but haven’t spoken to in too long… maybe it’s time.
Not because you’re ready to agree on everything.
But because the window to reconnect isn’t guaranteed.
5 Simple Ways to Reconnect Before It’s Too Late
Here are a few things I’ve seen work—not just in our lives, but in the lives of so many families we’ve walked with through estate planning:
- Send a message—without expectation. A simple “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you” can soften walls you didn’t know were there.
- Write a letter. Sometimes it’s easier to write what we can’t say. Letters give space for reflection, apology, and openness.
- Drop the scorecard. Being right is rarely worth being estranged. Lead with love, not your argument.
- Ask for connection—not closure. You don’t have to resolve everything. Just start with a walk, a phone call, or an invitation to coffee.
- Use a milestone as a bridge. A birthday. A memory. A shared favorite song or old photo. These can be gentle doors back into relationship.
The Legacy You Leave Isn’t Just Legal
After Uncle Mike passed, one thing gave his family deep peace: he had everything in order.
Despite years of health challenges, he’d made sure his paperwork was done. His trust was set up. His family didn’t have to scramble or guess.
They just had to follow the steps he had already prepared.
That is a gift.
One we often don’t think about until it’s too late.
But here’s the thing:
You can leave that kind of clarity on paper—and you can also leave it in your relationships.
You can be the one who reaches out.
Who forgives first.
Who says “I love you” before the last chance has passed.
Don’t Wait
If you’ve been meaning to reconnect with someone, let this be your nudge.
And if you’ve been meaning to put your own legacy in order—so your loved ones aren’t left to pick up the pieces—we’d be honored to help.
Because life is short.
And the moments we share with the people we love are the most precious legacy of all.
Live fully. Prepare wisely. Leave a legacy.
